CHINESE WEDDING: First Stage of Marriage

Now, we will discuss about the process of marriage according to chinese people..

Visit and Observe

Generally, the purpose of propose being held is to know the background of the girl that being admired. This is because Chinese communities are very concern in fact of family origin, one’s manner, characters and behaviors of the girl. These characteristics are very vital to ensure the stable marriage can be built. However, the method of propose is depend on the man’s parent because usually they will ask the girl’s relatives or the girl’s friends about that girl to be married. Most Chinese people prefer to hold these discussions in a formal, such as in restaurants accompanied by other relatives. Tradition of eating together in restaurants to discuss regarding this matter can make tighten relationship between the two parties.



Propose

This stage is only carried out after both satisfied with the family background respectively. Next, a representative will be selected to conduct home visits to the girls to discuss matters relating to marriage. During this time, bride’s mother will discuss with the representatives of the dowry, the allocation table in the marriage feast and the most auspicious day for marriage and suit with it. However, the men will not make any fresh offer because they fear will affect their status. Any agreement reached will been told to the parents of the man. After that, the parents will discuss with their son to fulfill the girl side requirements. Then, if the agreement has been decided, the engagement between them will be held.


Engagement

Star birth or known as ‘zodiac’ plays an important role to determine whether both partners are matching or not. This is also used as a guide for the engagement day based on the Chinese calendar. Therefore, they will get advice from fortune talenter for fixing the date of engagement based on a book "Toong-Su". Payment in the form of red envelopes (ang pau) will be given to tilik fortune as a token of appreciation for service advice.
The appropriate date and time is very important to avoid disaster or failure in marriage. At this time, the future groom will visit the bride's home to fulfill the request. The bride will submit a piece of red paper or "NYEN-sang" containing the name, age, and date of birth obtained from tilik fortune when she agreed to be engaged. At this time, the ring exchange ceremony will be held. The ring will be remaining at both bride and groom’s finger till the official marriage ceremony occurred.
After the ceremony exchanging rings, "NYEN-sang" of the woman will be returned to fortune tilik to enable craftsmen tilik comparing the birth date with "NYEN-sang" of the man. After that, he will set a date and an appropriate time and record on a sheet of red paper or "nyik-kor". The actual wedding date will then be recorded in the two pieces of "nyik-kor" and handed over to the men and women who want to get married. "Nyik kor" contains of the recorded rules and customs to be followed by the prospective bride.
During the ceremony exchange of rings or wedding day ceremonies will be held at the Marriage Registration Office. On engagement day, the family man will also provide "Big Prize" to the women. The ‘big prize’ given as marked money which wrapped by red envelopes and some other goods including tea, "add happiness cake", a pair of animals, sweets and sugar, alcohol and tobacco. Tea is the most important prize as both families are prayed for the marriage couples to get many descendants like the tea had been provided. One day before the wedding ceremony, the groom’s family will invite their relatives or close friend to the bed set at the groom’s new house. Based on Chinese belief, the boy who is not married will be invited to sleep in the bed at night before the wedding day to ensure the wedding couple will bring fertility to them.